Marriage is hard, emotional, and takes intentional work and commitment. You are going to have disagreements, hard times, and emotional moments. You need to be in a healthy place emotionally and spiritually to prayerfully navigate a relationship. Before you commit into being open to dating pray, grab your journal, and ask yourself some simple questions.
Here are questions Christians need to ask before dating:
1. Do I have the time to commit to dating?
Relationships take time and energy. Ensure that you have the time to dedicate to building a relationship. Many times we have seasons in life where our schedules are never-ending and there is always something to do. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-2 ” There is a season for everything, and a time for every event under heaven: a time to be born, a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.” During these times it’s best to focus on what God has for you right now and fully to commit to your goals. It’s not fair or wise to invite someone to your party when you aren’t ready for them to be your guest.
2. Have I moved on from the past hurt?
Bringing in pain from your previous relationships only sets a foundation of bitterness, brokenness, and unrest. No one wants to be the rebound relationship. It’s devastating to find out that the person you dedicated yourself to is not ready because they have past hurt in their heart. Take time to be introspective and deal with any brokenness, bitterness, and emotional triggers you have from the previous relationship. Psalms 147:3 says ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Allow the holy spirit to minister to your heart and heal the wounds from past hurt.
3. What worked/didn’t work in my last relationship?
Being introspective is extremely important when sharing your life with someone else. It takes two willing and dedicated individuals to make a relationship work. Before you put yourself out in the dating realm take some time to think through the high and lows of your previous relationships. Are they any harmful behaviors or sin patterns that you engage in? Were there pieces of positive and healthy behaviors that enriched your previous relationship? Spend some time with God reflecting and discovering the blocks that build a healthy relationship.
4. What does a Christian partner look like?
We tend to create this giant checklist of wants and needs when we are deciding to date. We want them to have all of the things on this list before I even consider giving them a chance. It’s good to have standards and to know what type of partner you are looking for. We all have preferences. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” Preferences and standards are great but they mean nothing if your potential partner is not a believer. Rewrite the narrative and begin asking yourself these questions:
- Does this potential partner demonstrate in word and deed a genuine love for God and a “Kingdom first” attitude?
- Do you share the same vision and passion for spiritual priorities?
- How does he or she submit to authority?
- Does this person build good friendships?
Have you asked yourself the questions Christians need to ask before dating and realize your not ready
That is ok. This is an opportunity for you and God to do some work. To help you grow and develop the tools you will need to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ready for the ministry of marriage. Allow yourself to be content in singleness while you decide to focus on you.
Tools to Help your Grow
This couple talks about the single life, characteristics of Godly partnerships, building and developing a biblical marriage, and more. They have truly blessed and enriched my life with their real and authentic look at marriage.
Pastor Tony and Vetta Jeffery who are working in their purpose to share God’s truth about marriage and dating. They stepped out on faith to share their journey of learning to love again. Their unfiltered and transparent look at biblical marriage is refreshing and encouraging. Their genuine love and desire for God and each other permeates through each episode. After watching I’m feeling refreshed, encouraged, and supported.
It is an excellent book about the biblical purpose of marriage.